THE HORROR REVISTED...

Here's another food nightmare, enjoy!

So about 3 or 4 years ago I was about to start a new position with a big broadcaster here in St. Louis. I was very excited to work for this worldwide company. I was also happy because it meant that I would be working with my sister everday as she was then the receptionist at said company. One day I visited my sister at work. She took me on a tour and introduced me to everybody. In a conference room there was free lunch for employees. I was invited to join in since I was officially a new employee. Free food- I was all over it. There was an amazing pasta and chicken dish, Ceaser salad and much more including the St. Louis food anomaly, "TOASTED RAVIOLI"...
So, I chomped away and pretended to listen to who everyone was and what they did blah, blah blah. About 10 minutes into my free meal I begin to feel a tickle in my throat. The air was blasting because all of the broadcasting equipment needs to be kept cool. I figured the air wasn't good for my throat and thought I better call it a day and head home. At that time my car was busted and I was on the bus. So I hike back to the bus stop, in the sun, throat just as scratchy as ever. I wait about 20 minutes for the bus kinda coughing and trying to clear my throat the whole time. By the time I get on the bus I realize that I must have something stuck in my throat. I try swallowing extra hard, more coughing and massaging my neck and throat to no avail. When I finally arrive home I know I've got a big problem on my hands and in my throat! I franticly call around asking what I should do. I could breathe so the obstruction clearly wasn't that bad, but it was starting to hurt.
Someone had the brilliant idea of eating something to hopefully push the mystery item down my throat. I thought yogurt might help. Yogurt is creamy and will dissolve in my throat if it was to get lodged there alongside the mystery item. Well that didn't work. Although the yogurt was soothing to my throat I could still feel SOMETHING in there. I was going mad. I finally had to call an ambulance and go to the emergency room.
Since I was clearly traumatized and was only in EXCRUCIATING PAIN the lovely people of the hospital only made me wait 5 hours to be seen. When I was finally seen I had to drink (painfully) a barium mixture and was suspended from a Medieval torture device disguised as an X-ray machine. This process took about another 45 minutes. All the while it feels like my throat is being peeled raw by whatever the hell is lodged in there. After another hour or two my results came back...THERE WAS NOTHING IN MY THROAT according to the Medieval machine of death. The lovely torture maids in nursing scrubs gave me a medicine to calm my nerves and SENT ME HOME!
I really felt crazy. What was wrong with me? Will I ever get to enjoy life again? How can I continue to eat my way through life with this pain in my throat. So I took my scratchy, painful throat home and cried. About two hours after finally resigning to a life of tight throated sorrow I suddenly felt ill and raced to the bathroom. I could feel the burning sensation rising in my chest and up into my throat. I knew what that meant: I was gonna hurl. And I did. And my throat opened up and all was right again!!!! I knew it! There was something stuck in my throat! I had to see what it was. Now looking into your own vomit is gross. It's also hard to try to make out what everything is. But there it was right in the middle of my "come uppings"-the culprit- a burnt piece of TOASTED RAVIOLI!!!
I will never eat that unholy abomination again in life! TOASTED RAVIOLI is evil. It doesn't even show up on an x-ray!!! It's a sneaky, silent killer. And it's not even real food. Has anyone outside of St. Louis ever even heard of this monstrosity? Be afraid people, be very afraid. It may be coming to a town near you...